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Tesla Will Sell You A Stainless Steel Travel Mug So You Can Pretend To Own A Cybertruck



Photo: Tesla

I love it when an automaker comes out with pointless junk to go along with their vehicles, and we’ve got another great example of that exact sort of scam from Tesla. Surprise, surprise. The automaker just rolled out the “CyberVessel.” No, it’s not a boat. It’s actually a goddamn stainless steel travel mug.

It’s the latest piece of Cyber-branded junk to come from Tesla, following the CyberHammer – which cannot be used as an actual hammer. What we’ve got here is a fairly standard 20-ounce travel mug that just happens to have the silhouette of the Cybertruck on its lid. It also sort of looks like the One World Trade Center building, which is weird.

Here’s how Tesla describes its $50 travel mug, and boy, do I love marketing-speak:

Form meets function. Cybervessel is constructed from double-walled stainless steel with a vacuum-sealed lid and articulating handle. Offered in stainless steel and power-coated matte back, and finished with a laser-etched Cybertruck silhouette on the lid. Custom designed for Cybertruck cupholders, compatible with all Tesla vehicles.

Tesla CyberVessel

Photo: Tesla

It’s very good to hear that this bottle is able to fit in any Tesla vehicle. I wonder if it can fit in any cupholder? Tough to say, and I suppose I’ll never be able to find out because it’s already out of stock. That’s right, so many weird little Tesla freaks needed to own one more piece of Tesla merch that this overpriced travel mug is sold out. What a world we live in. If you need a CyberVessel for whatever reason, you can head over to eBay and fall for a loser trying to flip them for triple the price. Ah, capitalism, baby.

Don’t worry though, there are a bunch of other Cyber-branded pieces of junk at Tesla’s store including the $260 CyberTruck Elevated Backpack, the $60 CyberStein, the $40 Off The Road Vessel, the $60 CyberWhistle, the $50 CyberOpener, the $150 CyberSoft Blanket, the $1,900 CyberQuad and the aforementioned $700 CyberHammer. My God, we have completely lost the plot, haven’t we?

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